SOL 23- Problem Solving and the Unrealisticness of Word Problems

          Problem solving sucks. It is easy to get everything incorrect, and then not know what to try differently for the next pathetic attempt. I am currently feeling this very strongly with math portfolios. There is one problem where there is one solution that checks out mathematically, but another, different solution that checks out graphically. They are different equations. How does that work? The math problem is about guiding a boat between Scylla, a six headed demon monster thing that eats a sailor for every head, and Charybdis, a massive whirlpool that lines a coast in a perfect line and will destroy your boat if you get anywhere close. Basically, the boat needs to always stay equidistant from these two evils. The equation is a parabola. If you solve for the equation the right way, you get one answer that checks out mathematically. If you graph the equation and then find the line, you get a separate equation that works graphically and physically but not mathematically. WTF. If only Scylla was real. It would make it much easier to give threats making it so this problem did not have to be done.
          Surprisingly, there is actually a decent amount of semi realistic backstory/history to this problem. The problem is from The Odyssey, where a ship actually had to pass by these two perils. The problem itself is unrealistic for several reasons. The first is that no one back then would actually have taken the time to plot a perfect parabola to steer the ship along. They would have just set a generalized course and shape to follow to survive. The second problem is that it would be impossible for a ship to be steered along a perfect parabola in stormy waters. The third problem is that if there was actually a massive monster, it would not stay in one location. That thing would be after you. If there were actually whirlpools like this, they would make the water so choppy the crew could not avoid them, and if they somehow managed that, sail in an actual parabola. I get that the textbook is trying to be cool by relating parabolas to fun stories, but, honestly, I would just sacrifice the six crew members to the six heads of Scylla. The positives out weigh the negatives.
          Moving away from math problems inspired by The Odyssey, lets talk about the math problem about making a perfect parabolic divot in the ground to cook stuff in. Also, the inside of the hole would have to be plated with mirrors. I know, totally realistic. If I were going to go into the middle of the woods, my first choice would obviously be to cook food using a parabola shaped hole in the ground where I had to magically make my food float five centimeters up from the middle of it just to cook. I get that they are trying to write fun, applicable word problems, but really? They relate parabolas to cooking in a hole in the ground in a forest? Parabolas show up so many other places in the world, and they chose that one? Problem solving for obnoxious word problems is the actual worst. End of story.